Today’s topic is Self Love. If you wrote a letter to your 10 year old self, what would it say? How about your teenage, 20, and 30 year old self? We have to wait two years until I’m 40, but
this is the proposed idea I’m setting forth. Make an intention. Write it down. Stick it to your wall, your brain, your mirror. Anything.
– stick that sucker front and center so you know what you are striving for each and every moment of these life-evolving days.
Where did all the love go?
First of all, I’ve been thinking about where the love went? It just didn’t magically sprout legs and walk off – or did it? Somewhere between ballet classes, beauty magazines, and my boy-crazed years, I forgot the most important person in all of this. Me!
Furthermore, in the reality of being honest, I walked this path for the next 18 years! I’m still wrapping my brain around that one; but, that is owning it.
Most importantly, I forgot how to love myself. I’m not going to bore you with the details – I’ve trashed most of my posts which allowed me figure all of that out. Maybe when I’m 90, I will write them down again for an anthropological purpose. Some still exist, here’s one if you’d like… The lesson? Human suffering is real. Insert my yoga journey and sitting in meditation.
Seriously, I forgot to love myself. Instead, I persevered through the big moments – college graduation (twice), moving, being poor, not being poor, marriage, having children, adopting dogs, finding jobs and seeing death (that last one will take your breath away). Basically, I’ve been doing what everyone else in this world does: living; but in a sustained height of anxiety. Therefore, my brain cracked.
Then, one day I woke up to the raw feelings of it all. I knew life had to be better than this. For the first time in a really long time, humility struck my core. I prayed to the heavens (which is a first for me) and found my answer; as hard as it was to accept. You see, becoming a mother changes your perspective. You automatically want better for your children. If that means making myself better from the inside then, let’s do this!
A new beginnning
Unfortunately, I fed this anxiety right up into my mid 30s. Then, guess what? The wheels fell off. So, I brushed off my sad ego and dented up brain. Next, I made the biggest and most rewarding decision of my life: I found self love. I looked at the chaos and owned my shit!
Baby steps: A How To Guide to Self Love
Step one: Clean out the clutter. This is the internal and external “stuff” which takes up space. I chiseled away years of negativity, self-loathing and embraced healthy habits of eating, mindfulness, yoga and friends. If you wish to take on minimalism concepts, here’s a great article to read. (I’ll talk more about these concepts in later posts.)
Step two: Declutter your friends. This is important. The good ones will end up being your tribe you call at any given time of the day.
Step three: Set up a mindful practice. Being a ballet dancer in years past, I choose yoga and meditation. It gives my body a break. It’s peaceful, not critical.
Step four: Keep owning your shit. I cannot stress this enough. Own the good. Own the bad. Own the joy and disgusting bits. All of it has grown you into today.
Lastly, give yourself credit. Life has the ability to wear us down. It also encompasses joy, hope, beauty and wisdom. You are alive. That’s something really beautiful. That breath gives you a choice. Right now.
Last thoughts anyone?
Finally, did some people play a role in all of this? Sure. We have parents, spouses, friends and co-workers who exist as a branch on the tree. Some support. Some give. Some take.
That’s for you to decide. That’s part of owning it.
Can Am I able to change their role in my past? Not the physical past, but I am able to change what I allow in my present.
Self-love gives me strength.
“Self love cleans out the clutter.” – Worthybit
Self love makes me grateful to be here and to be alive. I have the ability to make a choice. I’m not 40 yet, but I’m grateful to be just shy of 38 and know I’ve put in the work. I’ll take those stripes as my badge of courage, strength and beauty. I now understand: if today is good, tomorrow will be okay when I look back on yesterday. #myrearviewmirror
Thanks for reading.
******* Self-love may be found in a variety of ways. Help does exist. If you need to talk to someone, your mental health is important. It is just as important as your physical health. The two compliment each other. Hand in hand for eternity’s ride. Here are some quick links if you need to talk:
Suicide Prevention Line or call: 1800-273-8255
Postpartum Support or call: 1800-944-4773
The light in me sees the light in you. Namaste.
If you are interested in more posts on my yoga journey, stay tuned. I look forward to sharing these with you.
Worthybit is my piece of love to the world. It sits alongside my responsibilities as a mother, wife, daughter, friend and Human. From the ashes we rise to find our own, unique worthybit. — Tara